The first few months of her life, we spent much of the time outside. I was walking. She was hanging out (usually sleeping) in her stroller or baby pack. I have fond memories of being exhausted, yet happy walking for hours of the day. Both of us enjoying the fresh air. I was especially enjoying the sleeping baby.
She would accompany me on my errands. (She spent hours in Target!) I would put her in the jogging stroller and she would join me on my runs. We would go to the park. We could meet up easily with friends or family. Until my husband came home from work it was just her and I, every day. All day. I cherished having my girl as my little buddy, my sidekick.
When I was pregnant with her little sister, we could not have been more excited. We were looking forward to having another little one to love and giving her a sibling. We had nothing but joy in our hearts.
I knew that our relationship would change when her little sister was born. I had spent practically every minute of every day with her, usually just the two of us. She was my company.
This did not consume me in anyway, but I thought of this change a few times while pregnant. It made me sad to know that our relationship would change. I would have to ignore her at times while tending to baby. We would not be able to cuddle on the couch reading for hours, because the newborn would be consuming our lives. (Side note: I do think there are valuable lessons to be learned from not getting 100% of mom’s attention, 100% of the time.)
One night a few weeks before her little sis was born, I was rocking my girl at bedtime. The changes had already started, as she could not snuggle up on my lap with my large belly in the way. As I sang to her, I could not stop the tears from flowing. I cried as I knew that I would not be able to have this uninterrupted time with her. I would not be able to sit and rock my little darling whenever I wanted. I could not sing to her and cuddle at any hour of the day. I knew that life would change shortly. YES, for the better! But I gave myself that one brief moment to mourn the fact that this would change.
A few weeks later, our sweet baby girl was born.
Having my firstborn visit me at the hospital was so strange. She was typically glued to my side, so for her to be my visitor was odd.
When leaving the hospital with our new baby, I made sure we were home in time to rock her my first girl and put her to bed. I then allowed myself to mourn this change once more. I sang one line to her and the tears came again. It felt so wonderful to cuddle my girl after being away. Oh, how I cherish her! I just needed one more short moment to struggle with this change.
After crying and rocking her that one evening, I can say that I have not felt this sadness over our relationship changing. I see my daughters grow to love and enjoy each other’s company. My daughter now has a sister! She clearly loves her little sis. She looks out for her and even tries to mother her at times. It’s so dear to watch this relationship grow.
How could I be sad that my firstborn and my relationship changed?? She has a new best friend for life.