It’s a blessing to have friends that do not ask you about the weather. Friends who skip the small talk.

I showed up at our mom’s group recently. I was tired and spent and it was only 10 AM. A dear friend looked at me and asked how I was doing. My response: Meh. When I asked her how she was doing, her response was the same. I saw the same stress and weariness in her eyes.

There is a great deal of stress with my husband’s job, I have had many long days with just the girls and me, neither of the girls are sleeping very well. I am tired. I am a bit overwhelmed, which is an odd place for me to be.

I shared a little about this with her. She understood where I was coming from. She is the type of friend that feels every emotion you feel. She listens with such a caring heart.

Finding Encouragement by Skipping the Small Talk

It made me realize even more, how it is a blessing to have friends that do not just talk about the weather. Friends who desire more than surface talk about nothing. I was so refreshed to talk to someone who understood, listened and showed how much she cared.

She could have gone the small talk route, but she didn’t. She could probably tell from my face and I was tired and weary. She went straight for asking how I was doing, asking in such a way that she did not want the typical response of “Fine. Great. Thanks. How are you?”

It’s a blessing to have friends who really want to talk about life and how you are doing. Good and bad. Blessings and hardships. Such wonderful relationships grow from this type of meaningful conversation. It’s nice to get outside the circle of small talk and get to the more important issues in life.

Obviously it cannot always be like that. There are plenty of times that the question of “How are you doing?” should be met with “Fine. Great. Thanks.” regardless of the real answer. If you always dive straight for the big issues, people might be dodging the conversation if they know they don’t have an hour to spare!

But after my friend texted me that evening and then followed up with me the next week, it made me realize what a blessing it is to have friends that want to converse about real life and not just about whether or not the sun is shining today.

It’s wonderful to have friends, sisters, moms (and others that fall into this category)

…to listen
…to encourage
…to step in with prayer
…to give you a quick hug
…to distract you with a laugh

Finding Encouragement by Skipping the Small Talk

I am not a big sharer, so I often fall into the category of making small talk. (Not always successfully…I admit I’m not the greatest conversationalist!) So if you are like me, look for the opportunities to share and listen and direct the conversation to what is on your heart. Be in tune to others and listen to their heart when needed.

I love a beautiful, sunny day as much as anyone. I live in the Midwest where weather is often a topic of conversation. (I talk about it plenty also!) But…I am thankful for the conversations that dig deeper.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! – Isaiah 26:3


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43 comments on “Finding Encouragement by Skipping the Small Talk”

  1. What a sweet post :) I too struggle with not turning to small talk (which I really am not good at), but what my heart desires is to be close to my friends, to share the good and the bad of our lives. Had some success with this yesterday, will keep on trying!

    • I get it. It’s hard to show that you desire the closeness when you don’t share much! Keep trying!

  2. It’s so lovely to have friends who we can spend time with and share our innermost feelings. I tend to do small talk too… unless I’m really close with someone, then I share more.

    The scripture at the end of this post was perfect.

    Thanks so much for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).

    Wishing you a lovely day.

    • I think that’s why I appreciated it! As I do not often share too much. Thanks for stopping by, Jennifer!

  3. Greetings from Fellowship Friday — and you’re onto me! I do tend to hide behind small talk . . . laziness, insecurity, selfishness. Thanks be to God for His patience and direction in leading our hearts toward I Cor. 13 love.

    • Yep. Hiding behind small talk. I do that more often than I want to!

      Thanks for reading!

  4. Coming to you from Grace and Truth. thank you for sharing such a poignant moment – a moment gifted for the here and now – a moment when the listening ear listens and the joy of fellowship is sweeter. You are a good friend. In Him….~Chris

  5. This is so true. I so appreciate my friends that I always know I can skip the small talk and tell them what my heart really needs to share, and that I can ask them how they’re doing and they know I am really asking!
    You put these treasured relationships into words so well :)

  6. We sure do need friends who are willing and ready to listen to the honest answers. Its great to be able to talk things over with someone who isn’t judging or fixing – it can often help us regain new perspective or will to go on.

  7. What lovely a post, and what a blessing to have a friend like that, especially one that follows up with you later to check in and see how you are doing, that’s what it is all about. Thanks for the reminder, to be “true” friends not just weather friends. Thanks for sharing at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings

  8. Hi Emily! I agree so much with you, where would I be without my friends? Especially when your husband is so busy, and you don’t have anyone to ‘download’ to. God has been so good to you to give you such a faithful person, who will even follow up with you later! What a blessing!

    I hope I’ll be a friend like that, and I have to remember how important it is to listen…we all need a sympathetic ear.

  9. I love the type of friends who might live far away but when you are together it is like no time has passed. I hope you get some rest. How nice that your friends are so great in your Moms group!

    • Yes, it’s so nice to have friends like that. Otherwise it’s sad to see how much has changed, so it’s wonderful to be able to hop right back in where you left off!

  10. Love those kinds of friends. They are such a blessing from the Lord. Ones that you can really walk through life with. What a great post.

  11. I’m a small talk person, not a big sharer as you say. But God it’s helping me on that. Love to have friends like that in my life. They encourage and they listen. They also come to us for a hug when they need. I love to be there in their needs. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post! Blessings, I’m visiting you from Coffee for your Heart Link Up.

    Tayrina from TGAWrites

    • It’s hard to get the encouragement if you don’t share, right?? I realized that. :)

      Thanks for stopping by!

  12. Emily,
    I’m your neighbor at Holley’s link-up today and I appreciate these thoughts on small talk! Sometimes I hesitate to share what’s on my heart but your words encourage me to use these situations to be an encourager! Nice to meet you at your online home! :)

  13. So true! I tend to keep things to myself as well and feel I am not great at small talk either. But I do love to listen! And I hope to be the encouraging friend you shared here :) Thank you for sharing this on the Art of Home-Making Mondays.

  14. Having friends that understand is soooooo important. Thank you for sharing this at the #SmallVictoriesSundayLinkup!

  15. Beautifully said! I don’t really enjoy small talk most of the time. It’s just not satisfying for me. I’m a deep talker and, hopefully, a deep listener. I understand not everyone wants to go there. And I can do small talk if that’s what the situation calls for or what I can tell the other person is comfortable with. But it’s not my preference.

    I love intimate conversation, from one heart to another.

    Happy Sharefest! I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

  16. Those types of friends are absolutely invaluable! This is a wonderful reminder to me to be this kind of friend to the people I have in my life. I want to minister to their souls, not just talk!

    • Yes, I try and remember to be that listening ear also. Thanks for stopping by, Susannah!

  17. What a great read…so very true. It’s nice to have those friends who are there for those times when things aren’t so pretty.

  18. So SO agree! It is so important to have a community of people that will be real with you. And will say, “me too, friend, me too.” To encourage you, to pray for you, and to love you in the messy and the beautiful. Those friends are such an amazing example and reminder of grace. Love this!

    • What a great post. I love hearing from your heart!
      You may never be great in the ‘small talk’ department…but I have never known a better listener or a friend with a more empathetic heart. You always ask how I am doing…and truly want to know the answer. Love you.

  19. It’s a very English thing to talk about the weather, and as an expat, I was not used to it. I’m still not used to the weather-small-talk, but the friends I have now know that if you need someone to cook, pick up your kids, watch your kids or bring you wine, I’m your woman. Just ask me directly if I haven’t offered already :)

  20. It’s a blessing when friends know you need to talk, but also when they know you need NOT to talk. My mom died last summer, and I absolutely broke down often with my closest friends. At other times, they let me talk or ask questions about lighthearted stuff, because they understood I needed a distraction. Friends of my family, on the other hand, frequently pushed me to open up when I didn’t want to. I didn’t really appreciate that.

    • Sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard that would be. Sorry that some didn’t understand and pushed you to open up. It’s great that you had close friends that understood though!

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