I would like to welcome Ruthie from Rear. Release. Regroup. I enjoy the wisdom that she shares on her blog and in her new book:
Count to Nine, 9 Liberating Steps for Mom Anger and Frustration

How to Develop a Pleasant Tone with Your Tribe
by Ruthie of Rear. Release. Regroup.

How to Develop a Pleasant Tone with Your Tribe

Do you have a pleasant tone of voice when you speak to your children or give them a directive? (Are you rolling your eyes at me right now?)

I will admit right up front that I’ve always struggled with this one. My tone of voice is awful when I’m irritated or even just focused on my own “plan” (quite possibly mowing others down in the process).

Proverbs 12:18 (NKJV) says:

“There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword,

But the tongue of the wise promotes health”

Does your voice sound like claws on a chalkboard when you speak to your kids?

I hate the way the first part of this verse sounds.

I don’t want to figuratively pierce my children’s hearts.

But I LOVE the second half of the verse!

I want a wise tongue that promotes health and healing! Don’t you?

Plan of Attack

1.) CHECK your tone before you speak. Take a few breaths, put your hand over your mouth if necessary (Proverbs 30:32)

2.) PRAY quickly and ask God for help

3.) PRETEND your child (or husband) is someone who just called and you automatically changed your tone so they’d think you were nice (SEE??? We ARE capable of it)!

4.) CREATE lists. Lists were my very best friend when getting my kids to do their chores or help with spring cleaning. If they didn’t have to hear it from me, somehow it went better! Kids love checking things off and getting it done! (Doesn’t everyone?)

5.) SPEAK HEALING to your child each day. Find ways to compliment for a job well done, a rare moment of sharing, or anything positive you can find. Make sure you’ve done this at least once before going to bed at night. And be SURE to always say, “I love you”!

As always, the best way to cut out old habits is to establish new ones. We must replacing our negative tone of voice with positive speech and affirming words. Even if we do slip up in a moment of anger (and let’s face it, we all do), if we make a practice of graceful speech, it will go a long way with our tribe.

Scripture Pillar

If you have been foolish, exalting yourself, or if you have been devising evil, put your hand over your mouth. Proverbs 30:32

Did you see that??? Sometimes, I just need to put our hand over my mouth. What about you? What a practical suggestion straight from God’s Word!

How to Develop a Pleasant Tone with your Tribe. Count to Nine, 9 Liberating Steps for Mom Anger and Frustration

My new book, Count to Nine, 9 Liberating Steps for Mom Anger and Frustration, presents nine essential steps to overcome anger. Offering Scripture Pillars (ACTION verses), Scripture prayers, a plan of attack for each chapter, this book will set you on the road towards recovery. The book is full of key Biblical strategies to help you parent gracefully and learn the Biblical approach to anger.

How do I know? I teach this method to a group of moms, and they are seeing wins and overcoming their anger by implementing Scripture Pillars (ACTION verses)!

At just $7.00, this book is a small investment to make toward a big difference in the dynamic of your family. Are you ready to take the necessary steps to freedom and let God control your anger?

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Ruthie Gray is a wife, mom of four, Gigi, and caregiver, living in the sandwich generation and blogging to keep her sanity. When she’s not snacking on plastic drumsticks with her two-year-old grandson, The Tiny Tornado, you can find her coaching other moms on how to raise responsible kids and enjoy them at RearReleaseRegroup.com.

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Thank you to Ruthie for sharing with us today! Stop by and check out her blog: Rear. Release. Regroup. or consider checking out her book: Count to Nine, 9 Liberating Steps for Mom Anger and Frustration

Count to Nine, 9 Liberating Steps for Mom Anger and Frustration (2)

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Stop by to see where I link-up my posts each week: Link-Up List

How to Develop a Pleasant Tone with Your Tribe

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37 comments on “How to Develop a Pleasant Tone with Your Tribe”

  1. I love this post SO SO SO MUCH! As a follower of Christ and 1st grade teacher at a Christian, Classical school I know how important our tone is and I feel once I get home to my own children my tone changes significantly! I don’t want it to.. it’s so hard! Great post!

    • Thanks for reading! It’s so easy to act differently (and have less patience) with those closest to us.

      I don’t struggle with yelling, but I know it’s more than just yelling or not yelling. Tone is important!

  2. I believe I need to work on this. Thanks so much for the post. I do think that stopping and thinking about your tone of voice is important when speaking to anyone, but especially your children and husband. Thanks for the post!

  3. Tone is definitely one of the things I have to watch when talking with my kids and sometimes even Hun. I like things to be done, in a timely manner, and sometimes that’s just not reality. So, I work at breathing or pausing first. I’m getting there and maybe one day I’ll make it :)

  4. Thanks so much for sharing this, sweet friend! I just love the clean look of your blog and how you consistently keep it classy. If you ever go into full time blog design or want to do ALL my graphics, I will hire you. Once I hit the best seller list…;)

    You’re awesome!

    • Thanks for being willing to share your wisdom with my readers!

      I love designing the graphics! So when you hit it big, I’d be honored to work with you. ;)

  5. Yes, #3 has really helped me! I pretend that I’m talking to their friends or kids I babysit! We can control our tone when we want to . . . just gotta get straighten out our wants!

  6. Wonderful suggestions and #3 is something to chew on! Thank you for sharing this encouragement on the Art of Home-Making Mondays at Strangers & Pilgrims on Earth!

  7. I hate the tone that I have been taking with my children and my husband. I am 36 weeks pregnant so I am in my nesting phase where I am constantly working to prep my home, my body, and my blog for the baby and interruptions drive me nuts. I love your tips and I plan to employ them starting today…especially #3…brilliant :)

  8. I am always accusing my husband of giving his best self to strangers and your comment about pretend someone else is calling made me stop and consider my own behavior.

    I am a new subscriber! I am so happy I found you at the Coffee and Conversation Link Party.

  9. Love the idea of just imagining we are speaking to someone else who we want to think we are sweet! so good at that :) :) hahaha! thanks for the reminder – tone matters!

  10. morning, neighbor!

    it’s amazing how everyone else gets our sweetest, loveliest greetings … and our families so often get the random leftovers.

    good observations here!

  11. Thanks for the “Timely” reminder on watching our tones when speaking to tribe. We are redoing our bathroom so it’s been a little stressful over here at my house!

  12. Tone of voice really does make a big difference, not only in how you are perceived, but in how people react to you. If you want to be talked to with respect, its crucial to also talk to others that way #shine

  13. Excellent post! Sometimes we forget how hurtful the tongue can be to others! I have to work on my “tone” all the time as my husband and I are getting older & both of us don’t always hear clearly! Thanks for sharing, Janet

  14. My tribe is grown now, and one of the members has a tribe of their own, my precious granddaughter. I’m amazed at how much more patience I have with my granddaughter and how gentle and sweet my tone is with her, even if she is disobeying, than it ever was with my own children. :-(

    I have always admired moms who have such gentle, soft voices – Michelle Duggar comes to mind, and my voice is anything but. lol.

    I literally had to look up Proverbs 30:32 because I was thinking, “Does it really say that??” And sure enough it does! I know I’ve read that verse many times, but it never struck me as it did after reading your post. Truly, truly practical advice and like you said, right from God’s Word!

    How helpful Proverbs 30:32 will be for me now after reading your insights and seeing it in this new light.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

  15. I used to tell my daughter “attitude is everything” (and that can easily be translated to “tone of voice” as well). Quite often, I had to repeat it to myself. Learning to apologize for my own snippy outbursts was key to changing my own tone. It’s hard to sound angry at someone else when you are sincerely apologizing. :)

  16. Excellent counsel, Ruthie! I’ve learned to whisper to my kids when I most want to yell, but I’ve also realized that whispering with a scowl on my face is not much different than yelling. ;) Thank you for sharing this with us at Grace & Truth, and congratulations on your book!

  17. I just got home from going to the grocery store with my 4 kids. My tone was harsh and annoyed. I needed this reminder today…and the rest of my day I plan on speaking HEALING!

  18. I have never seen that scripture before – put your hand over your mouth!
    When my kids were little and we would drive home, tired, after a long day in town, the kids often had ‘niggles’ with each other – and attitude towards me. I often made them put their hand over their mouth – for the remainder of the drive home.
    Now I see it was scriptural!

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